Happy Funtime Movie Blog

Watching movies is our business, and business is good

The Bad MF Wallet HOF

The year was 1994.  The film is Pulp Fiction.  Two men sit across from each other at a table in some diner, somewhere in L.A.  These two men, Jules Winnfield and Ringo, are stuck in what we would best be described as as a Mexican Stand-Off.  Ringo and his beloved (known only as Honey Bunny) are trying to rob the diner, where Jules, on his last day of being a hired gun, is trying to enjoy his breakfast.  When Ringo and Honey Bunny only want the patrons wallets and cash, but he is drawn to, and attempts to, take a briefcase that Jules is tightly guarding.  When Jules refuses to hand over the case Ringo points his gun in Jules face, and lets his hand linger too close, and a little too long.  Jules “flips the script” and grabs Ringo pulling closer, and putting his own gun his Ringo’s face.  With Honey Bunny, and now Jules partner Vincent both pointing their respective guns at each other, all hell seems as if it is seconds from breaking loose.  But this is when a profound thing happens.  Jules explains to Ringo that on any other day he was would be “dead as fucking fried chicken,” but because of his new life decision he in fact does not want to kill him.  He instead let’s him know that he can take all the wallets he has already collected, along with his wallet.  And how did he know which one was Jules wallet?  Well, Jules answered that question with on of the greatest lines in movie history, “It’s the one that says Bad Mother Fucker on it.”

After seeing that scene as a kid, I was forever moved.  From that day forward I viewed every movie (with a character in it that was supposed to be a bad-ass) with this single question in mind, “Are they bad enough; kick-ass enough; worthy enough to own a Bad Mother Fucker Wallet?”  From that question, this idea was born.  Who, in the ever expanding universe of cinema is worthy of joining the, as of right now, only man (Jules Winnfield) of being honored with the prestigious Bad Mother Fucker Wallet?  Keep your Oscars; throw our your Heisman Trophy; spit on your Nobel Peace Prize; make way for the one honor that tells everyone that you, and you alone, run shit around here.

2011 Class of Bad Mother Fuckers

as voted on by the Bad Mother Fucker Wallet committee….and of course,

THE Chairman of the Board

#5 – Drill Sergeant Hartman (Full Metal Jacket)

In movies, we’ve seen a lot of tough drill instructors. None, however, come close to the badass-ness of Drill Sergeant Hartman from Stanley Kubrick’s masterpiece, ‘Full Metal Jacket’. His hair-raising tirades could very well send someone into insanity, which is exactly what he did to Private Gomer Pyle. He did, however, have a bit of a harder time making the cut this year as his badass-ness was halted by Private Pyle when he was gunned down in the bathroom at the end of boot camp.  Nonetheless, we are happy to welcome Gunnery Sergent Hartman into the Bad Mother Fucker Wallet Hall of Fame….plus he called us some really horrible names and threatened to have us choke ourselves if we didn’t let him in.

Best Quote – “Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag puke piece o’ shit, Private Pyle, or did you have to work on it?

#4 – The Bride, aka Beatrix Kiddo (Kill Bill 1 and 2)

In Volume I, she took down 88 of Japan’s deadliest Yakuza members and defeated O-Ren Ishii. In Volume II she clawed her way out of a casket, literally, then poked Elle Driver’s eye out and ended her vengeful mission by implementing the “Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique” to her lover Bill’s chest. To put it simply, she broke his heart.  And she looked darned hot doing it! As a double threat in badass-ness and hotness, we are so happy to welcome The Bride in to the Bad Mother Fucker Wallet Hall of Fame.

Best Quote – “Those of you lucky enough to have your lives, take them with you. However, leave the limbs you’ve lost. They belong to me now.”

#3 – Vic Vega, aka Mr. Blonde (Reservoir Dogs)

Vic Vega is an iconic character in Quentin Tarantino’s first and very underrated movie, ‘Reservoir Dogs’, not to be confused with Vincent Vega from Pulp Fiction. Vic is so damn badass that just days after being released from jail, he decides to team up and go on a jewelry heist, for the very people he just did hard time for.  Loyal and badass, our kind of man. When the alarm of the jewelry store the gang is ripping off trips, alerting the police, it was time to freak out, right?  . Not Mr. Blonde.  Vic stays cool, takes control, and then threatens the whole store. Most robbers would have been running out of there when they heard the alarm, but he just stays calm and collected.  Mr. Blonde’s calm demeanor borders on the line of a complete lack of emotions at all, and it’s so badass.  Welcome to the club Mr. Blonde, we dig your dance moves.

Best Quote – “Are you gonna bark all day, doggie, or are you gonna bite?”

#2 – Michael Corleone (The Godfather Trilogy)

Michael Corleone is the main character of Mario Puzo’s novels The Godfather and The Sicilian, as well as the Godfather Trilogy directed by Francis Ford Coppola.  Michael was the youngest of the Corleone sons, but by far the most cold-blooded.  To put it simply, Michael Corleone has ice water running through his veins.  Nothing phases this man.  Michael got his start by shooting a dirty cop in the face, along with the head of the rival mafia family who had shot his father (the great Vito Corleone).  Even the tie of family held no sway over the Godfather Michael Corleone.  He had his sisters husband whacked on the very same day the he stood up and pledged to be their child’s Godfather.  Need some more proof?  Michael even iced his own brother Fredo, right after hugging him and making him feel like Michael had forgiven him for his rat-transgression. No one was immune from the Godfather’s wrath. To Michael, death is just part of the family business, and on that thought, don’t ask him about his business.  We are overjoyed to welcome Mr. Corleone to our Bad Mother Fucker Wallet Hall of Fame.  We here at BMFW are huge fans of his work and hold him in the highest esteem, and say without a shadow of a doubt the Mr. Corleone is the one of the most badass people on the planet.  Then why is #2 you may be wondering?  Who on this planet could be more badass than the son of Vito Corleone?  Well….no one, “on this planet” that is……

Best Quote – “There are many things my father taught me here in this room. He taught me: keep your friends close, but your enemies closer. “

#1 – Darth Vader (Star Wars series)

The most badass character ever…..OF ALL TIME…. is Darth Vader. The man in black (sorry Johnny Cash), the great Nubian God (what’s a Nubian), has been featured in four films and is the most powerful character in the Star Wars universe…..nay, the “entire” Universe.  He took control of half the galaxy and could kill you by snapping his fingers, just ask Admiral Motti. While the ending of Return of the Jedi makes die hard Vader fans cringe, a la crusty old white guy in the Black Uniform of Awesomeness. In the end it doesn’t matter.  Darth Vader is the baddest mofo to ever grace the silver screen…..well, except for our chairman Jules that is.

Best Quote – “I find your lack of faith disturbing”

Best Quote #2 (because we couldn’t just chose one) – “”I’ve been waiting for you, Obi-wan. We meet again at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now I am the master.”

Thank you to everyone who took part in this years nominations and selection of the 2011, and first ever, class of the Bad Mother Fucker Wallet Hall of Fame.  And remember, if any asks to see your wallet, let them know it’s the one that says Bad Mother Fucker on it!

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